she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
