thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Someone came in the potted fern
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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