yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
