I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize