I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
