he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
