Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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