My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
