im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
