and you said cock pushups were impossible
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
