You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
