i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so let's talk penis.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
