i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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