It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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