She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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