planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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