The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
