On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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