Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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