I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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