My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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