it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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