Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
