just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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