lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
