Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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