I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
