I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
