Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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