I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
