your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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