so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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