dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
