i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
