apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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