So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
