PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
