I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
