Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
