you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
