you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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