so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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