Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
