Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
