i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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