I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
