This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
