lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love having hate sex.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
