did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
