i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
