Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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