Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
