i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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