i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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