You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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