I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
