Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
