ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
