i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
