Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
