Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
