What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
