In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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