Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
