I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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