not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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