I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
